I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The air was thick with penises
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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