I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
