OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
