Kiss
Puke
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So here I am, sexting at work.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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