I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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