In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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