Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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