Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think my vagina is haunted
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
