yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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