I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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