He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize