dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
