Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
