My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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