At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
