We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize