just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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