i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
