So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
