omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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