my mouth tastes like poor choices
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My balls are so social today.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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