My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
