I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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