Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
