No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
