I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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