Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
