I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
