you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
