not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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