I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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