i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
