I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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