I can tuck mytits in my pants
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize