omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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