i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
