TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
