Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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