I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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