dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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