I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
