how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
