You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize