I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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