goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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