So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
