i would punch a child for taco bell
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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