I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
