My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
