thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
