dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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