I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
