If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Randomize
