Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
