I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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