Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
