apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
