my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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