Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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