Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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