i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
