I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
whose parrot is this?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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