He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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