so explain again why im purple
no
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
These tits shall not be calmed
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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