Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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