His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
