if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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