some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
