Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
