I'm gonna have a badass scar
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
