k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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