I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
