theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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