Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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