You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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