just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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