this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
