You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
