and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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