Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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