Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
