I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
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Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
