The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
