I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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