Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
