Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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