So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
