i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
We smell like vodka and hangover
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
