Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
